Calling On Your Ex - When Is It Okay To Make First Contact?
Of all the questions asked after a breakup, one is always more common than all the rest:
When is it okay to call your ex boyfriend or girlfriend?
In trying to win back the person you're still in love with, it's never easy to nail down a timeline. Reconnecting with your ex is a necessary part of getting back together, but it goes without saying that this crucial step should never be rushed.
Should I call? Should I write? How long should I wait before trying to get back in touch with my ex?
While all of these questions are good ones, many people start asking them right away - immediately after the breakup - before they've even given their boyfriend or girlfriend a chance to miss them. This is a big mistake, and it can cause huge problems.
In short, the relationship isn't even cold yet and these people are already chomping at the bit to pick up that phone or laptop computer. They feel that by sitting back and doing nothing they're allowing their ex the chance to slip away from them, and the longer they wait the harder it will be to get back together again.
Not only is this logic flawed, but it's actually the opposite of what you should be doing.
As with many aspects of fixing your breakup, winning back your ex's respect should come way before contacting or connecting with them. Do it correctly and it's smooth sailing along the path to reconciliation. Do things backward and you'll run into a brick wall of resistance when it comes to re-opening the lines of communication between you and your ex.
What To Do Before Calling or Contacting Your Ex
There's a long checklist of things that must be done before you even think about reaching out to your ex boyfriend or girlfriend. Getting back together isn't something you do all at once; it involves a series of smaller steps that need to happen in sequence.
Trying to skip some of these steps will have you coming off as needy, desperate, and powerless. These negative traits will quickly sabotage any efforts you make toward getting your ex to want you back, and can easily put you in a worse position than you started off.
So before you do anything else, the following list should be completely checked off:
• You've agreed with the decision to break up by using these opening moves.
• You've broken ALL contact and withdrawn from your ex boyfriend or girlfriend's life.
• You've made adjustments geared toward making your ex see you as they did when you first met.
• You've refused any offer to be friends with your ex, and you've totally steered clear of them.
• You've refused to 'take a break', or otherwise put your relationship in some lame holding pattern.
In accomplishing everything on the above list, you've already put yourself in position for success. You've taken advantage of every available option and chances are good you've regained much of the ground you lost when your boyfriend or girlfriend broke up with you.
Your ex should be surprised by your lack of contact, confused by your total indifference, and missing you on a few different levels. This will make them much more receptive to hearing from you, and when you do contact your ex they won't be as suspicious of your motives.
In short, your ex will now welcome contact from you. Why? Because you've made them curious.
Best Ways to Contact Your Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend
When it comes to making that first contact after the break up, you have a number of options. Some are much better than others, so make sure you know what you're doing before taking this very big step.
Text-Messaging Your Ex
Sending your ex boyfriend or girlfriend a text-message is a very non-commital way of getting back in touch. However, it's also one of the lowest forms of contact you can make with your ex. As such, it can be easily dismissed or ignored by your boyfend or girlfriend, leaving you wondering if they even got your message at all.
Try to avoid this type of approach, especially if you haven't had any other contact with your ex since the breakup. Text-messaging is far too informal, and in this type of communication it's too easy to give your ex the upper hand.
Sending Your Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend an Email
Emailing your ex is another way of re-establishing contact. While this is somewhat better than sending a text, email is still an informal and disconnected method of reaching out after a breakup.
An email conversation can also be very disjointed, as whatever questions you might ask each other need to wait until a response is made. Because of this, making a connection with your ex can be slow going. And since you're typing back and forth to each other rather than actually talking, even the slightest wrong wording can easily be misinterpreted.
Using Facebook or MySpace to Contact Your Ex
If you didn't log right into Facebook or MySpace to de-friend your ex after the breakup, you might be able to use these social networks to re-establish a connection with your ex.
This method allows you to reach out in a fairly casual way, and then give your ex a chance to respond. Yet while this seems like a pretty decent advantage, in most situations the drawbacks of this approach can actually outweigh the benefits.
Once again, this type of contact can be a little bit too informal. If you haven't spoken to each other in weeks or even months, it can be pretty awkward to all of a sudden start writing on your ex's Facebook Wall.
And while you might think your ex's Facebook page would be a good source of information to open a casual conversation, even responding to something he or she might've done recently (and posted about) can seem almost like your'e stalking your ex on Facebook. This certainly isn't how you want to come across, especially if you're making first contact.
Calling Your Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend
By far, a simple phone call is one of the best ways to reconnect with an ex. It allows for direct conversation without the awkwardness of a face-to-face meeting, and you can control the length of the call as well.
Before making such a call, you'll need to know exactly what to say. Morever, there should be a long list of things you should NOT say, as well as topics to be avoided. Learn the best ways to approach calling your ex (as well as which topics can help accelerate getting them back) with these communication techniques.
Whatever approach you choose, you'll also need a fairly good reason for calling your ex on the phone. These things should be established before making your call, and not on the fly. The worst thing you can do is just pick up the phone, dial your ex's number, and think you can just "wing it".
Seeing Your Ex Face to Face
Showing up to see, or even worse, 'accidentally bumping into' your ex boyfriend or girlfriend can be construed as an unfortunately desperate method for regaining contact. Before considering this type of approach, make sure you've exhausted all of your better options.
That said, if you DO happen to run into your ex while out and about, there's nothing wrong with saying hello. If you've gotten out with friends and are doing something fun, it can actually be beneficial for your ex to see you having a good time without them.
If you plan on hanging out somewhere with a high probability of running into your ex, make sure you're prepared for it. Above all else, don't make it look obvious... in other words, don't be there solely to see your ex boyfriend or girlfriend. Make sure you're there for legitimate reasons as well.
How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend To Call You
Without a doubt, getting your ex to make that first move is always your best bet. When your ex calls you, instead of the other way around, you're immediately given the upper hand when it comes to the conversation that follows.
If you've been having trouble getting your ex's attention, that's okay. It's very common for your boyfriend or girlfriend to pointedly ignore you after the breakup, especially if you might've made some advances in their direction to get them back.
Getting their attention isn't always easy, but if you're willing to be patient there are ways to do it. The methods involved in getting your ex to want you back are nearly identical to the ones that will get them to notice you again. Learn one, and the other will always follow.
Win Back Love is an instantly downloadable resource geared toward showing you exactly how to regain your exboyfriend or exgirlfriend's attention, especially if they're paying you no attention at all.
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