My Boyfriend Wants Space!
So he sat you down and he asked you for... SPACE. Uh oh.
What does your boyfriend 'needing some space' exactly mean? Does he just want some breathing room, and a little time away from you? Or is this the precursor to something big, like breaking up?
Unfortunately, when a guy asks for space it's really a smokescreen. There's some other kind of underlying problem, because if things were good? He wouldn't need any time away from you, or your relationship. By saying this, and then withdrawing from you, your boyfriend is definitely NOT giving you the full story.
To keep from breaking up, you need to find out what this story is. But before you do that, you need to do something even more important:
You need to REFUSE any sort of 'break' from your boyfriend.
That's right. Accepting even a temporary break can rapidly turn into a full-fledged break up, where your boyfriend continues to distance himself from you further and further until you can't even see him anymore. And then it's too late.
This sort of conversation can come in many forms too. Let me know if any of these sound familiar to you:
"I think we should take some time apart"
"Right now it would be best if we backed off a bit"
"I just want a little space, to think about things"
"Maybe things are going too fast. We should slow things down"
"I'm not sure I'm ready for a serious relationship right now"
So yeah, it's usually one of those. All of them mean exacty the same thing, and they're all bad news.
But you know something? Your boyfriend doesn't really want time apart, or space or any of those things. What he really wants is something entirely different. You're not going to like that either, so let's get the bad news out of the way:
What Your Boyfriend Really Wants Instead of a Break
No matter how he phrased it, what your boyfriend actually wants when he says something like this is simple: he wants a one-sided breakup.
Now this breakup can be permanent or temporary. The bottom line however, is that HE gets to decide that. He's the one seizing control here, and he's the one who determines when - and if - the "break" or "space" or "time apart" is over so you can continue your relationship.
Boiled down, he wants you to wait around while he does whatever he wants.
Yes, it's that simple. Your boyfriend gets to abandon your relationship for a while, enabling him to see more friends, do more stuff without you, and yes, possibly even date other girls (usually on the sly). All during this fiasco, you're supposed to sit there like a complete idiot doing nothing. He wants you to leave him alone while you sit by the phone waiting and hoping that he'll come back.
How Long Should You Give Your Boyfriend His Space?
That's easy. Zero minutes.
There's no excuse for giving someone 'a break' when what you actually want is to keep the relationship going. You're effectively agreeing to hand him all the control, all the power, and all the decision making when it comes to the future of being together.
Even agreeing to just a small break is a bad idea. It's like admitting that there's something wrong, and it's YOUR fault. I mean, why else would he need space? Why else would he be asking for a break from you? Obviously it's because of something you did. Spending time apart from you is the only solution.
NEVER let yourself fall into this position. NEVER give your boyfriend all the power in the relationship. Why? Because he'll abuse that power. He'll give you the brush off with somthing like "don't call me, I'll call you". That leaves you in the unfortunate place of being second best. Everything else he does with his time? That's first, and it comes before you.
What to Do When Your Boyfriend Wants Time Apart
When your boyfriend sits you down and mentions taking some time off from the relationship, it's time to take quick, decisive action. Your first move? You tell him "Nah."
Now I'm not saying resist the break... that would entail trying to talk him out of it. Rather than resist what he's saying, TAKE THE POWER BACK FROM HIM and tell him this:
"Thanks, but no thanks. Taking a 'break' is bullshit and you know it.
Better off we just break up. That way we can both move on with our lives."
Whoa. All of a sudden your boyfriend is back-pedaling. Suddenly he's gone from a simple 'time apart' scenario (in which you're patiently waiting for him) to a full-blown break up situation where YOU actually walked away from HIM.
Holy shit. Are you not happy? Did he do somethign wrong? After all, why would you walk away like that? And so easily too! Maybe you've been unhappy for a while? Maybe you want to date someone else?
These are the things going through his mind when you do this. Rather than be in total command over what happens next, he just lost all decision making because you took control of things. Now if he still wants to date you? Your boyfriend needs to go to you to make things right away.
My Boyfriend Said We're on a Break - What Should I Do Now?
If you happen to already have agreed to a break - through inaction or by not resisting when he announced his decision - you've probably fallen out of touch with him. By agreeing to time apart you're stuck in the unfortunate position of not being able to call him, or you'll be bothering him and not giving him his space.
This might leave you feeling powerless. Helpless. As if nothing you can say or do will be effective in getting him back. And you'd be mostly right.
There are however, a few things you CAN do. There are emotional reconnection techniques that will bring him back quickly, forcing him to view you as a girlfriend again. These methods can be employed right away, regardless of your situation, and regardless of how long it's been since the two of you went on a break.
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