Get Back With Your Ex

Best Way to Contact My Ex Girlfriend?

You want her back, but she's not even talking to you. No emails, no phone calls, not even a text message. Sadly, it looks like it's over.

When it's time to contact her again, what should you say?

Or is it?

If all the steps required to get back with an ex, contacting them again can be the most awkward. There's nothing more nervewracking than talking to someone you were once so very close with... and now haven't spoken to for weeks or even months.

When your girlfriend breaks up with you, the lines of communication all shut down. One by one they disappear: the phone calls, the text-messages... even the Facebook and Instagram connections often get undone. What you're left with is solitude. Loneliness. A few photos, gifts, and cards - reminders of someone you're still in love with but, for right now at least, doesn't seem to love you back.

Contacting your girlfriend right after the breakup is the worst idea imaginable. She's already trying to avoid you, but now you're shoving yourself in her face. Most guys think that by making themselves visible all the time their ex will start thinking about them again. Actually though, the opposite is true. The more you show up in your ex's life? The more invisible you become. Until one day she sees right through you, and you mean nothing to her at all.

Getting To the Point Where Contacting Her is Okay

So what should you do? Well for starters, you CAN contact your ex girlfriend... but there are some prerequisites first. Before you even think of getting back in touch with her, you'll need to have:

The above steps must all be taken before it's okay to make that first, initial contact. Skip them, and anything you do to get in touch will only push your ex girlfriend further in the opposite direction.

Do everything right, and your ex girlfriend will want to hear from you again. She'll be missing you, and she'll be wondering where you are. And since you haven't gone after her in any way, she won't be wary of contact with you. In short, your motives won't be in question, so she won't be on the defensive, like she most likely is (or was) when the two of you first broke up.

Best Way to Contact an Ex Girlfriend

There are lots of ways to get back in touch with someone who broke up with you. Some of them are good, some are bad. It's important not to choose the one you're most 'comfortable' with, as it might not be the best way to reopen the lines of communication. In other words, don't cop out. Do the right thing, even if it puts you out of your comfort zone; the most important thing to remember here is results.

Facebooking Your Ex Girlfriend

This is generally a bad idea. Not only is it lame and impersonal, it's also very easy for your ex to ignore. This leaves you hanging out there, never sure whether or not she got your message, not understanding why she wouldn't at least write you back.

You also can't put any real personality in a Facebook message. Your ex can't tell what you sound like, or what kind of inflection might be in your voice when she reads whatever you wrote. You could come off as desperate or low-toned, even though you're happy and cheerful when trying to contact her. Avoid using Facebook to re-open the lines of communication after a break up, especially if you're going to "like" something on your ex's page.

Texting With Your Ex Girlfriend

You've texted her thousands of times, so what's one more message, right?   Well... not exactly.

Again, messaging your ex is a very impersonal way of getting back in touch. It's marginally better than the Facebook thing, but it's still a cold, clinical way to reconnect. Your message is going to come off wrongly. You've reduced the sum total of all the love, affection, physical and emotional closeness you had while dating each other to a few hundred pixes on a tiny glowing screen.

Messaging is a semi-cowardly way to reinitiate contact. It says "hey, I kinda wanna talk to you, but I'm too scared to just dial your number". Your ex can also ignore this message as well. If that happens, now it seems like you're chasing her again.

If you absolutely have to reconnect this way, follow it up with a phone call. Unless she responds with something really bad or uncomfortable, your best bet is talking to your exgirlfriend so she can hear your voice.

Emailing Your Ex Girlfriend

The bad thing about email is that unlike texting, you can't carry on a direct conversation. Whatever you talk about will go back and forth over hours and hours of responding, replying, etc...

The good thing about an email is it's a bit better than texting or Facebooking. Email is a little more direct, and you can write a lot more without limitations. Keep in mind though, that you're just looking to reconnect. You don't want to say too much at first; you're just looking to see how your exgirlfriend is doing, and ask (innocently) what she's been up to. No prying. No asking who she's with, if anyone. NO talking about your past relationship. You should sound like an old friend who misses hearing from her, because at this point that's kind of what you are.

Calling Your Ex Girlfriend After She Broke Up With You

This is the big one; the phone call. It's the best option when you're looking to make that first post-breakup contact, but want the least amount of awkwardness (and waiting, as you have to do with messages and emails).

When you talk to your ex, you want to sound cheerful. Not so much that you sound fake, but you want it to seem like it's good to hear her voice again. Keep it short, let her do most of the talking, and don't stay on the phone very long.

Most of all, know what to say to your ex when you do make that call. You can't just pick up the phone without having a reason, and it's handy to have a few topics of conversation as well. It's tempting to think you can just talk comfortably with her the way you used to, but right now awkward pauses can be killers. In short, know exactly what you're doing.

Seeing or Meeting With Your Ex Girlfriend

There are two types of scenarios here. First, is the 'bump into' situation. This is where you're out someplace and you accidentally run into your ex girlfriend.

If this happens, maintain your cool. Be glad to see her, give her a quick hug. Smile and laugh - hopefully you're out with friends and you guys are having a kickass time. Ask how she is, and what she's been up to. Let her know it was great seeing her again, then walk away before any sort of deep or dangerous conversation happens.

The second scenario is when you've already called her and one (or both) of you has asked to meet up. This is a good sign: it shows that your ex girlfriend misses you so much that she needs to physically SEE you, and that merely talking or texting you wouldn't be enough.

Before you go, know how to handle the reunion date. There are a lot of huge mistakes you can make when seeing your ex for the first time since she dumped you, but likewise, there are a lot of great seeds you can subtly plant that will change the way she sees you, and make her need you back in her life romantically again.