Winning Your Ex Back - One Step at a Time

Few things hurt more than being dumped. The pain, the rejection... losing your boyfriend or girlfriend unexpectedly can send you to some pretty dark places, and it's not always easy to know what to do.

Dumped by boyfriend

This creates two major problems when it comes to getting your ex back. For one, you're operating while upset and distressed. The decisions you're making aren't necessarily good ones, and you're more likely to act with your heart instead of your head.

The other big problem is that you're in an even worse position than you were before. Any attempts you make at reasoning with your ex or trying to get back together are being made from a place of total weakness. After all, your boyfriend or girlfriend just rejected you, and they expect you to put up some sort of resistance to their decision to break up.

The good thing to keep in mind is that for every problem there's a solution. Ultimately, there's always a way back into your ex's heart. That's because whatever traits attracted your ex to you in the first place will be the same traits that makes them want you all over again. Winning them back is all about bringing your relationship back to it's roots, and recreating the things that made your boyfriend or girlfriend fall in love with you to begin with.

Within an ongoing breakup, or one that just happened, there are special reconnection techniques you can use to stop the breakup from continuing and actually reverse the process. These need to be applied quickly however, because they work best while the breakup is fresh.

It doesn't matter what broke you up. It doesn't matter what problems your relationship may have had. Right now, the only thing that matters is getting your ex to want you again. Because while identifying and fixing those relationship issues is certainly important, it's something that comes much later. Your first move after the breakup is to make your ex want and need you back in their life again. Without that, your efforts at 'fixing what's broken' are being wasted.

Opening Move #1: Accepting and Agreeing With The Breakup

For the most part, a breakup is a very one-sided ordeal. Your partner sat you down, gave his or her reasons for ending the relationship, and probably tried to get away as quickly as possible. In all likelihood you were surprised or blindsided by the breakup. Even if you saw it coming, chances are you weren't fully prepared for it when it happened.

When your boyfriend or girlfriend breaks up with you, they know you'll resist. They realize your first move will be to talk them out of their decision, and they're already prepared for whatever arguments you might throw their way.

That's why the best thing you can do is actually agree with the breakup. As crazy as it sounds right now, it's also the last thing your ex boyfriend or girlfriend expects to hear from your lips. Instead of begging, crying, pleading, or trying to guilt your way back into your ex's life again, you're doing exactly the opposite. For example, imagine this dialogue coming from your mouth:

"Yeah, you're probably right... things aren't working out. I've seen it too."

This type of approach might seem counterproductive to saving your relationship. It might even look like you're hurting your chances of staying together. In reality though, you're halting your ex's breakup speech dead in its tracks. Any counter-arguments he or she might have prepared now go right out the window. Instead of fighting the breakup you're actually agreeing with it, so there's no reason to fight at all. In one quick move, you've aligned yourself on the same side.

Opening Move #2: Counter-Rejection Techniques

In agreeing with your ex's decision to end the relationship, you're doing something even more important: you are actually rejecting them.

Breaking Up
Counter-rejection: shifting the balance of power.

This type of reaction from you is wholly unexpected, and will take your partner completely off guard. It's a way of stopping the break up while it's still happening and slowing the momentum.

Something caused your boyfriend or girlfriend to break up with you, and when they made this decision they thought it was theirs and theirs alone. Now however, it seems that you yourself suddenly have reasons for not wanting to keep the romance going. This isn't something your ex thought about at all, because as far as they were concerned everything on your end was just fine.

So imagine your boyfriend or girlfriend's confusion when you tell them something like:

"I haven't been happy either, for a long time now. I wish it could be different, but it's not. We'd be better off apart, like you said. I wish you the best."

A lot of things happen when you take this approach to your breakup. For starters, you're not only agreeing to go your separate ways but you're actually rejecting your ex. He or she will be wracking their brain, trying to figure out what you're unhappy about, maybe even wondering whether or not you've got someone else in mind. This type of rejection might even prompt your ex to ask you what's wrong, or what you're specifically unhappy about. If that happens, shrug it off and be vague. The less you say, the better.

Another advantage here is that you're establishing a much stronger position. Instead of the weak role of the crying dumpee, you're now a co-conspirator in your own breakup. You stand on almost even ground, and the respect level your boyfriend or girlfriend has for you will be completely intact. Rather than see you as someone they dumped or discarded, they're now forced to see you as much stronger and more independent than they originally thought.

Opening Move #3: Withdrawing To Make Your Ex Chase You

As far as your ex is concerned, he or she made the decision to break up a long time ago. They've already had time to get used to the idea of losing you, being without you, and ending the relationship. This made the transition much easier for them, because they already knew it was over. Your ex was just passing the news along to you, and hoping to get away as painlessly as possible.

At the same time however, one thing your ex was NOT ready for was to lose you all at once.

No Contact With Ex
The No-Contact Rule. Learn it. Live it. Do it.

In short, your boyfriend or girlfriend knew you'd resist the breakup and still try to keep the relationship going. They expected to still see you, talk to you, and occasionally hear from you through email, text-messaging, Facebook, and the like.

Knowing you still love them, and knowing they could get you back at a moment's notice... all of these things make your ex comfortable and secure in leaving you behind. It always prolongs the breakup.

This is exactly the reason why your next move is so important: removing yourself completely and totally from your ex's life. This isn't something you can do half-assed, either: it must be done on every single level or not at all. This means no calling, emailing, texting, or communicating with your boyfriend or girlfriend in any way - even through friends. As far as your ex is concerned, your life becomes a complete mystery the very second they break up with you.

The No-Contact approach has a number of effects on your breakup, and all of them are good:

• You're not chasing after your ex, or making yourself look desperate to get back with them.
• Suddenly it seems as if you're not concerned with the breakup at all.
• Your ex has no idea where you are, what you're doing, or who you might be with.
• Unchecked, your ex's imagination will get the best of them (i.e. maybe you found someone else).
• Left completely alone, without you contacting them, your ex will actually begin to miss you.

The funny thing about no contact is that it works so well, yet it's one of the hardest things for people to do. Ignoring an ex who dumped you might seem like you're giving up, or putting the nail in the coffin of your own relationship. In actuality however, you're doing all the right things. You're establishing control over a bad situation while making your ex boyfriend or girlfriend very curious about your post-breakup life.

Essentially, you're getting right back in your ex's head... without even doing anything at all.

Best Moves To Make If The Breakup Has Already Occurred

Obviously, the knowledge above is most useful during and just after the moment your ex breaks up with you. But what should you do if the breakup already happened? What if your relationship ended days, weeks, or even months ago?

The good news is that it's never too late to apply these opening techniques to your existing situation, only with a slightly modified approach. Make sure you learn this one easy trick that can turn things instantly around, even if you and your ex have been broken up for a while.

For an even more focused approach at repairing your breakup, there are two amazingly helpful resources that can guide you through the process. Being gender-specific, they can help offer you the best tips and tricks for winning back your boyfriend or girlfriend, depending upon your own unique situation.

For Men:  The EX2 System

Matt Huston's EX2 System

The EX2 System was written with just one thing in mind: instant results. Using proven psychological methods that border on mental manipulation, Matt Huston gives you step-by-step instructions on how to get your girlfriend back with astonishing speed, while making her need you more than ever!

For Women:  Get Him Back Forever

Matt Huston's Get Him Back Forever

Get Him Back Forever is designed to bring back your ex boyfriend and keep him happy, no matter how long ago you broke up. Learn irresistable reversal techniques geared toward making your ex boyfriend need to call you up, see you, and have you back in his life as his girlfriend once again.

Your Next Move:     Learning the Fastest Ways To Make Your Ex Miss You
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