Getting Back In Your Ex's Life After The Breakup

As your breakup continues, you'll feel yourself getting more and more distanced from your ex boyfriend or girlfriend. At times you'll panic, because you'll think it's near impossible to still get them back.

Get Your Ex To Notice You
Getting back in your ex's life;
a multi-stage process.

What you need to understand however, is that winning your ex back is a multi-stage process. You can't win your boyfriend or girlfriend back all at once; if you want the reconciliation to stick you'll need to spread out your connection over a series of smaller and slower baby steps.

Acceptance and withdrawal aside, there comes a point when it's time to get your foot back in the door of your past relationship. This requires first getting back into your ex's head, and then, very carefully, getting back into their life. Again, this needs to happen slowly. Pushing too hard or too fast will always have bad results.

Understand that until you finally get back together, you'll never be a daily part of your ex's life again. No amount of emails, phone calls, or pushing and pressing is going to integrate yourself back into your ex boyfriend or girlfriend's world.

There are however, some very subtle techniques you can use to implant yourself, little by little, back into your ex's thoughts. Doing this gradually, over time, can actually bring you closer together than you were before the breakup even happened.

Ways Of Getting Back In Touch With Your Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend

After a breakup, everyone has the same basic question: when is it okay to contact your ex? And while that's a pretty good question overall, the people asking it aren't focusing on an even more important question: "What should I be doing that will make my ex want to contact me?"

It's not always easy to get back the attention of someone who dumped you. Yet after you've followed through with the three step withdrawal process, there are times when other measures must be taken. This is where it's okay to make contact with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend... as long as you do it smartly and correctly.

Contacting Your Ex On His or Her Birthday

One of the times it's okay to contact an ex boyfriend or girlfriend is on their birthday. This is a special day that you recognized while you were going out with them, and if your breakup is fairly recent there's no reason you can't use the occasion to reach out in a friendly way.

Call ex on birthday
Is it okay to call your ex on their birthday?

Calling your ex on their birthday needs to happen the right way however, or not at all. You'll want the call to go smoothly and quickly, and you won't want to stay on the phone too long. Most of all, you don't want to come off as needy or desperate to get back with your ex. If there's any lingering silence during such a phone call, you definitely let it go on for too long.

Basically, you want to wish your ex boyfriend or girlfriend a happy birthday, and let them know you thought of them that day. That's pretty much IT. Nothing more, nothing less. Something like:

"Hey, what's up? I would've felt awkward not recognizing you today, so I just wanted to wish you very happy birthday."

After the obligatory thanks for the good wishes, you'll want to get out of the call as soon as possible. Your ex will probably ask you how you've been or what you've been up to, and this is the time to be very short and vague. At the next pause in the conversation, tell your ex:

"Alright, well just wanted to say I hope you have a kickass birthday. There are a million things going on here right now, so I've gotta run. Enjoy yourself."

The birthday call can also be substituted for any other special occasion, such as a graduation or promotion. If you know your ex has succeed in something, making a short call like this can go a long way toward getting them to think about you again - in a very positive way.

Think about it. You remembered their day, which is nice. You didn't push, you didn't press, and you didn't pry. In fact, you got off the phone as if you had something better to do... which will get your ex thinking a little bit about just how much you still need them in your life. The 'million things' part of your conversation will also make your ex wonder what's going on in your life.

On top of all those things you wished your ex the best, and that's always a classy move. It shows that you're handling the breakup maturely and calmly, and this opens the door to future contact from your ex boyfriend or girlfriend. Why? Because you've just shown that you can be cool. In talking to your ex you didn't fling yourself at their feet, or beg them to take you back.

Giving Back The Stuff Your Ex Left At Your House

While dating, chances are good you left some stuff at your ex's house or apartment... and he or she left their stuff at yours. During the course of the breakup it's normal to let these things slide, especially since it gives your ex a good excuse to get back in touch with you. But when enough time goes by and you're looking for a reason to make contact? These small items can become important again.

Giving Back Your Ex's Things
Your ex's things: a good way to reach out.

In calling your ex about getting your things (or giving theirs back), you need to be extremely careful. Even if you broke up on bad terms, you don't want to come off as nasty or bitter. You're merely calling to let your ex know that you've stumbled across certain things he or she left at your place, or vice versa.

The conversation you have with your ex should be short and to the point. Something like:

"Hey, how've you been? Good. Listen, just I tripped over a bunch of DVD's you left here, and I wanted to send them back. I was going to put them in the mail for you, so I just wanted to let you know to look out for them."

Mailing your ex's stuff (or asking for yours to be mailed) is a good way of keeping the conversation pure and innocent. Notice that you didn't ask to see them, stop by, or drop anything off. That would've been reaching, and your ex boyfriend or girlfriend could've easily construed this as a ploy just to get to see them again.

Instead, you nonchalantly offered to mail certain things back. Your call was civil, clean, and quick... you didn't ask for anything else, and you didn't try to start up a whole conversation. Again, your ex will likely respect this type of approach. It gives them the sense that you really are over the relationship, and if they were still on the fence this could easily trigger your ex into thinking about you again.

Finally, you said you were going to mail them. This gives your ex the opportunity to say "No, wait, I'll come by and get them." An ex who wants to see you to get his or her things (rather than wait 3 days for the mail to come) is most likely looking to re-establish a connection. It's a good sign that your ex still has feelings.

Calling Your Ex To Check Up On Friends or Family

Over the course of your relationship you probably got close with most if not all of your ex's friends and family. In some cases you might've even developed strong ties to these people that, unfortunately, got severed when the two of you broke up.

The good news is this can give you a fairly decent opportunity to get back in touch with your ex, especially if there's a specific reason to ask about someone. For example, was your ex boyfriend's grandmother sick? Calling to ask whether or not she got out of the hospital is a sweet way to get back in touch, as long as you once again keep the conversation short and pointedly away from your relationship.

Other Tips & Tricks for Getting Back In Touch With Your Ex

When faced with the prospect of making contact, most people are reluctant because they don't know what to say. In getting back with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend, this is a pretty big problem, because knowing exactly what to say in these situations can be very crucial.

There's a lot to learn about approaching an ex after a breakup. Because men can be very different than women, it's good to know which techniques will work best on an ex girlfriend, and which are best suited toward getting an ex boyfriend back.

Below are two of the best instantly downloadable guidebooks when it comes to dealing with either situation:

For Women:  The Woman Men Adore

The Woman Men Adore

The Woman Men Adore unlocks the biggest secrets to understanding men. Relationship expert Bob Grant shows you exactly why your boyfriend may have left you, and how you can not only get him back but actually make him thrilled to be with you again!

For Men:  How To Get Her Back For Good

How To Get Her Back For Good

Get Her Back For Good was written by best-selling author Dr. George Karanastasis. Learn the counter-intuitive approach to winning your girlfriend back quickly and easily, by NOT doing all of the things you think you should be doing to get her back.

Your Next Move:     Reversing your breakup by Seizing Back Control over your situation.
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