What Should You Say?  Talking To Your Ex After The Breakup

So you've managed to get back in touch with your ex, or even better, get your ex to call you up. Great job! But now comes the even bigger part: what exactly do you say?

What to Say To Your Ex
How should you talk to your ex after the breakup?

Talking to someone who broke up with you is about as awkward as it gets. Without knowing precisely what you're going to say to your ex boyfriend or girlfriend, the conversation can quickly degenerate into a bunch of floundering small talk.

In getting back in touch with your ex, you've obviously got an agenda. Your long term goal is to get back together. You want to make your ex want you back, and to move forward as a couple again.

Short term however, you need to stay focused on taking things one step at a time.

The thing to remember is that you can't win your boyfriend or girlfriend back all in one sitting, nor would you really want to. Because if you could, your new relationship probably wouldn't last very long anyway.

Adapting The Right Attitude When Talking To Your Ex

While trying to reconnect, you need to stay positive and charismatic. You need to let your ex know that you've been doing extremely well without them, and that you're still something to be desired.

At the same time, you also want to convey an underlying sense of urgency... as if you're not going to be around forever. Once your ex gets wind of the fact that someone else might snatch you up, you suddenly become a whole lot more interesting to them again.

The best way to accomplish this is by remaining a continued mystery to your ex boyfriend or girlfriend. By now you've already disappeared from your ex's life, and they're already wondering about you. So by continuing to keep yourself - and your social life - mostly a secret, you're giving yourself the best possible chance for reconciliation through continued interest.

During first contact with your ex, you'll need do this very carefully. A lot probably happened to you in the last few months or weeks, and you've got a lot to catch them up on. Because of this, there's a tendency to run at the mouth without really thinking, and tell your ex everything you've been doing all at once.

What you should do however, is hold a lot of things back. Mainly, you want to keep your ex wondering about who've you've hung out with, what you've been up to, and above all else, just how much you've really missed them since the breakup.

In an ideal setting, you'll talk about certain things but not about others. Your ex will see you as happy and content, but won't understand what's been keeping you that way.

Basically it comes down to this: If you can give your ex a sense of confusion over why you don't seem bothered at all by the breakup (or nervous to even be talking to them), you'll have done a good job.

What You Can Say To Help Get Your Ex Back

Remember, in trying to get back with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend you need to sell yourself all over again, just as you did the first time you went out. If you're not presenting them with someone fun, exciting, and desirable, you're not really giving your ex a reason to continue dating you at all.

Calling Your Ex
What can you say to make your ex want you back?

Stay focused on being happy, positive, and above all else, successful. Your ex boyfriend or girlfriend isn't looking to take back a loser, or someone who's been a pitiful wreck since they the day they broke up with you.

Remaining positive and upbeat is probably the single greatest piece of get your ex back advice you can find. Most people ignore it however, because they're too busy concentrating on the negative aspects of the breakup.

By putting your best foot forward you're offering them a relationship they'd want to have back, and not just getting back together just for the hell of it.

From there, the conversation you make is enormously important. When you make first contact with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend, every single word is critical.

For this reason, you need to know exactly what to say. You can't pick up the phone hoping to 'wing it, and then somehow think you'll end up with a positive end result.

Whether you're the one initiating the call or you somehow get your ex to call you, you'll want to start the conversation off pretty much the same:

"Hey, how's things? Wow, it's good to hear from you again."

There's nothing wrong with letting your ex know you're happy to hear from them. You don't want to be overly happy (or worse, get emotional), but you do want to start the conversation off on a positive note. And hey, why shouldn't you be happy to talk to your ex? You haven't spoken in a while, anyway.

"Listen, I got some good news the other day..."

Here's where you might need to get a bit creative, as you'll need a reason for calling. Did you get a promotion? Did you win an award? A championship? The lottery? Find something positive that's happened in your life since the breakup, and share it with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend. Don't go into too much detail, but whatever it is, definitely sound jazzed up about it.

Now if you followed the previous methods for getting your ex to call YOU, then you can skip this step. In that scenario, let your ex tell you why they called, and allow them make whatever small talk they feel necessary.

Either way, you want to end the call quickly. The longer you stay on the phone, the more awkward the conversation will get. For this reason, you want to keep that first contact with your exboyfriend or exgirlfriend as short and sweet as possible.

"Crap, I've got to run. There's too much going on right now, but give me a call next week or something if you want. This week's already shot."

Several important things get accomplished here, if you can pull this off.

For starters, you're the one ending the phone call. Unlike your relationship (which was over when your boyfriend or girlfriend said it was), this conversation is over on your terms. Although it sounds simple, being the one to end the phone call definitely gives you a certain measure of control.

Ex Calls You on The Phone
Know exactly what you're going to say
to your ex before you start saying it

Another thing that happens? Rejection. Whether they like it or not, your ex will feel somewhat rejected by how fast you rush them off the phone. It makes them realize you've got more important things to do than talk to them, and this isn't something they were expecting or prepared for.

Finally, you're not asking your ex to call you another time... you're telling them to. You've also added the phrase "if you want", which basically makes it seem like you don't care either way. This level of indifference will give you yet another advantage in future conversations with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend.

On top of all these things, your ex is left wondering what you're in the middle of doing. You just ran off to do something that was obviously more important than them, and this will be the biggest mystery of all.

In the span of a three-minute phone call, you've suddenly gone from the person they thought wanted them back to the person who might or might not really give a shit about the past relationship. If your ex has any residual feelings for you at all, this will rattle them - and their confidence - more than anything else.

What You Should (and Shouldn't) Say To Your Ex

There are a certain number of do's and dont's when it comes to ex boyfriend and girlfriend contact. In working towards getting your ex to want you again, you'll need to give away just enough of yourself to promote reconciliation... without giving away too much.

• DO stay positive, upbeat, and confident throughout the conversation.
• DO give off the impression of being cheerful, regardless of how you feel.
• DO let your ex see you as being happy and successful without them.
• DO keep the conversation short, so that there are no long or awkward pauses.
• DO maintain some mystery about your social life, leaving your ex wanting to learn more.

In keeping with the above ideaology, you'll gain a lot of ground - and more importantly respect - when it comes to how your ex sees you. Instead of looking down and seeing you as desperate and needy, your ex is suddenly face to face with the idea that your life goes on without them.

Conversely, you want to avoid the following big mistakes while talking to your ex after the breakup:

• DON'T talk to your ex the phone with any hint of fear or hesitation.
• DON'T be bitter about the breakup, or let it show through in the conversation.
• DON'T seek pity from your ex, or try to get them to feel sorry for you.
• DON'T let the conversation go on longer than three or four minutes.
• DON'T talk about the breakup, or try to place (or accept) any kind of blame.
• DON'T tell your ex everything you've been doing, in hopes of somehow reassuing them.

Getting a positive reaction during this first contact is critical. You only get one chance at breaking the ice, and making a mistake at this point could ruin your chances for a successful reunion.

If you're not entirely sure what to say to your ex after the breakup, be sure you at least go out and learn the Instant Reconnection Technique before picking up the phone. This one little trick can get your ex to immediately bond to you again, regardless of how long the relationship has been over.

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