Taking a 'Break' From Each Other: Comparing Break vs. Break Up

Ever get this one? "I think we should take a break from each other, and see how we both feel".

On a Break
'On a break' or breaking up; is there a difference?

Such a speech takes other forms, too. Besides asking for a break, your lover might want "time off", or maybe even "some space apart".

Yet no matter how he or she words things, there's really only one thing your boyfriend or girlfriend is looking to accomplish here. They're trying sneak a one-sided breakup past you, and with some luck, hopefully get you to agree with it.

A 'break' is not the same thing as a break-up, but it's close. It's certainly a rejection, as your boyfriend or girlfriend is letting you know that maybe you'd both be better suited for someone else.

It's also not uncommon for your lover to present such a situation as a potential solution to your relationship problems, and this is where the real smokescreen starts.

For example, your boyfriend might tease you with the idea that spending time apart would be 'good for you as a couple'... or your girlfriend might suggest that taking some time off would cause you to miss each other, somehow making the relationship 'stronger' in the end.

All of this is bullshit of course. Your soon-to-be-ex is trying to sell you on the idea of waiting around for them while they go out, play the field, and see if there really is somebody else that they're rather be with other than you.

Your Partner Wants a Break - What Does it Really Mean?

In the event of a true breakup, your lover is ending things between you on a much higher level of finality. They'll be looking to start moving away from you (and the relationship) almost immediately, and they'll be expecting you to do the same.

That said, when your lover asks for a 'break' instead of a breakup, it's not nearly the same scenario. Because while they're probably still looking to explore being single again, your boyfriend or girlfriend would much rather that you wait around for them. In short, they want the option to see other people... but just in case they change their mind, they would like you to stay put.

What better way to keep you hanging on then to put your romance in relationship limbo? What greater way of hedging their bets than to keep you hanging on to something that may or may not still be there, all the while doing whatever it is that they want?

Listen up. When your boyfriend or girlfriend suggests "taking a break", what they really want is the freedom to date other people. The vaguely defined 'break from each other' is a phrase designed to keep you from dating other people, and nothing else.

How to Stop Your Breakup
'On a break' or breaking up; is there a difference?

A break will NOT help put your romance back on track.

A break will NOT help strengthen your relationship.

A break will NOT help make you appreciate each other more.

Most of all, taking a break will not fix the problems you have as a couple. If anything, it puts these problems on the back burner where they're eventually allowed to boil over.

The only thing a break is good for is to allow the person who suggested it enough freedom to potentially cheat. The more vague and undefined the 'rules' of such a break are, the more freedom your boyfriend/girlfriend will have to do whatever it is that they want.

The Pitfalls of Giving Your Relationship Some 'Time Off'

To understand how dangerous a 'break' can be, we need to examine the rules of your break more closely. The problem is that your boyfriend or girlfriend probably didn't define much in the way of rules, leaving you only to guess at what to do next.

Do you still see each other?   Probably not. Physically seeing your now pseudo-boyfriend or girlfriend seems to be off limits, or outside the scope of what your 'break' is trying to accomplish.

Can you still call this person up?   Again, this is iffy. Any attempts you make at making contact with your now ex boyfriend or girlfriend could be met by still resistance. They'll see this communication as you being pushy, and not giving them their 'space'. On the other hand, they're pretty much allowed to call you whenever they want. Since they initiated the break, they're the ones drafting up the rules.

When is the break over?   Great question. Did you establish this when your ex asked for time apart, or did you just nod your head and go along with it? Not having a time frame for which to get back together could prolong the break indefinitely, leaving you in a depressing limbo of not knowing where you stand.

How To Stop Your Break From Becoming a Break Up

While you're still in love with this person they're going to dangle the carrot of your past relationship just beyond your reach. As long as your boyfriend or girlfriend knows that you'd drop everything just to date them again, they'll feel comfortable in continuing your 'break' for as long as their little heart desires.

Knowing this, you also know how to end the break. By being strong enough to refuse such an arrangement, you're actually stopping the break before it even gets started.

When your boyfriend or girlfriend comes to you wanting some time apart, tell them:

"Sorry, but I don't do 'breaks'. I'm not looking for half a relationship, and I certainly don't want to sit around waiting for you to decide what you really want."

Your partner wants you to agree to a break so badly they might even try to strongarm you with threats of walking away for good. That's okay, but in that case you need to call their bluff:

"If you want to break up that's fine, I can handle that. But taking 'time off' isn't an option. I'd rather we both just go off and do our own thing."

By adopting such a tough stance you're putting yourself in a very strong position. Suddenly your boyfriend or girlfriend gets immediately placed on the defensive. By continuing along with their original line of reasoning, they stand to lose you... and this is NOT what they want.

What To Do If Your Relationship Is On A Break

Already on a break? That's okay. As long as you realize the need to be proactive about getting your ex back, you can reverse your current situation and recover your relationship from romance-limbo.

To get past your break, you'll need to regain some control before making any additional moves. The best techniques for reversing this situation quickly and effectively can be found at: The Magic of Making Up

Magic of Making Up

Designed to help even the most desperate of breakup situations, Magic shows you exactly how to break the current cycle of how your ex boyfriend or girlfriend sees you right now.

Learn how to approach an ex girlfriend or boyfriend who seems to have lost interest, as well as what you can say to make them want you back as a part of their life once again.

T.W. "T-Dub" Jackson takes you step by step through the process of getting back with your ex, through written and even video tutorials that will help guide you brick by brick along the path to reconciliation. Jackson shows you what to do and when to do it: two important aspects of being successful when it comes to repairing an unwanted breakup.

Check out this amazing downloadable resource before taking a single step in your ex boyfriend or girlfriend's direction.



Your Next Move:     Learning When You Should Contact Your Ex after a breakup.
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